One of my distant friend's moms doesn't care if she stays out late, curses, has sex, or goes to unsupervised parties. She is 17, I am 18. I'm due to give birth to my first child, a baby boy December 1st, and I'm getting married in a month or so.
I've been thinking a lot about parenting, and my friend calls her mom "the coolest mom ever".
But to me, a cool mom is:
1. a mom who is jumping for joy during her pregnancy, reading up on how to treat an earache, songs to sing them to sleep to, and picking out baby clothes.
2. a mom who gives her child tons of kisses and hugs and never goes a day without telling them she loves them.
3. a mom who always knows where her child is and when they'll be back, and worries while they're gone.
4. a mom who couldn't care less if her child is gay or straight, skinny or chubby, preppy or punk, just as long as they're happy.
5. a mom who puts her child before herself, and makes sacrificies without a moments hesitation.
Am I wrong?
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
I think that your ideas about being a cool mom are far "cooler" than your friend's mom. Remember that as a mother you have major responsibilities - 1) To love your child unconditionally 2) To do your best for that child and 3) To raise them to be a responsible well-rounded adult.
To accomplish these things, you can't always be considered "cool" in the eyes of your child. Sometimes you will have to make tough decisions in their best interest that may not be popular with them or their friends. But - you are their parent - not their friend - there is a big and important difference.
If you do the things that you have outlined for yourself and if you do your very best to make sure that your child understands that even when you don't seem cool, it is because you want the best for them, then once they are adults they will look back and see just how cool you really were the whole time.
I would venture to say that a child raised without boundaries by more of a "cool" friend-like mother, will probably not be as well adjusted an adult and my even eventually resnt the fact that her mother didn't give more guidance and take on more of a parenting role instead of trying to win the parental popularity contest. In the big scheme of things - that means very little!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
your friends mom is only cool because sounds as immature as her daughter. I want to my kids friend, but first I'm gonna be their mommy. That means all the things you mentioned and discipline them. If you dont instill morals in your kids when their young then how do you expect them to grow into mature adults.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
Although no child will admit it while growing up a truly cool mom is one that cares enough to set boundaries and say no even when it brings on the most painful words ever, " I hate you Mom". Sometimes you have to love your kids enough to hurt them to keep them from hurting themselves. Remember this as you start your parenting journey. It is far easier to be your child's friend but what your child needs is a mother not a playmate.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
no my dad was the cool one for me, he knew where i was who i was with, when i'd be home, and had the general i'd rather have you (drink/smoke/etc) at home than get called by the cops and find out that way attitude. My mom always told me if i was ready for sex she would get me birth control, and i never really believed her, and didnt get on the pill till after i had my daughter. my dad would laugh and joke and not judge when i had a problem, my mom was really uptight.
you are right in the cool mom area, but you have to be a friend at times too. a mom you can trust with your secrets, can depend on when in trouble, and does give lienency when a special occasion calls for it. Cool moms know whats going on but dont hover, or overprotect, and dont expect perfection
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You've got it alright. Print out your answer and keep it handy as your child grows. I would add one caution though - don't always be a martyr sacricing yourself for your children. Keep in mind, if the parents are happy the children will be happy. Take care of yourself too. Good luck and God bless you and your child.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You're not wrong. Here are a couple of things to add to your list. A cool mom talks to her children like the real people they are. A cool mom realizes that children aren't perfect and helps them learn right from wrong. A cool mom also takes care of herself and knows when to say "no". A cool mom gets down on the floor and plays with her children. A cool mom isn't afraid to apologize when she's wrong (kids love that).
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You have answered your own question. Sounds like you are going to make a great mom. Congratulations ahead of time on your baby.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
wearing sunglasses and screaming in a library "IM COOL!"
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
I wish I had had a "cool" mom like you.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
A mom who's been locked in the freezer for several years now.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
No youll make a perfect Mother. God Bless!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
When your kids get older, they might not want you kissing or hugging or telling you love them in public, as long as you don't do that, you should be fine.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You're quite possibly the un-coolest mom! l
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
sounds like your friends mom dont care about nothing
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
u rite but a cool mom is one who leaves the child alone and don't be all up there grill
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
Don't forget a cool mom is someone who knows when her child needs discipline and loves her child enough follow through with it.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You are right about what makes a mom a mom. It is just that kids and teens think the cool mom is the one they can walk all over and get away with stuff but the best moms actually set limits and work on teaching their kids right from wrong. Sounds like you will be a true MOM
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
Your opinion on a cool mom is perfect. Your friend's mom is cool to.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You're not wrong, you are absolutely correct & will make a GREAT mother!!!
I'm really glad that you will be accepting if your child is gay. Not too many parents are, even these days
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You got it right. But I would also add, that, Just because your Mom doesn't care what you do, doesn't make her cool. It prolly means she doesn't care about you.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
i have a cool mom. my mom raised me the right way, by instilling morals in me at a young age. my mom is my best friend, but I still respect her and listen to her. she supports me, she loves me unconditionally, and she tells me the truth when i don't want to hear it. your friend's mom seems like she doesn't care what her daughter does…if that's cool..then i guess that works. i think you have the right idea though!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
well not caring if ur child has sex is not cool be fun and not boring and don't embaress ur child..but care about those things…a cool mom would be a mom who cares.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
I dont think you're wrong. I'm nineteen and expecting my first child. And you have to think about who you want that child to be as an adult. Do you want the 18yr old party girl looking for things in the wrong places, or do you want the 18yr old who feel confident enough and has enough support to possible raise a child of her own. Being "cool" is not in the definition of a parent. Being collected, firm , and loving, is what a mother should be.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
no u are definitely not wrong! your friends mom is not cool tho shes is just a good example of bad parenting in my opinion! You definitely have a the right idea congratulations on your soon to come baby boy!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
Well, that is the definition of a GOOD mom, it seems that the kids think the "cool moms" are the ones who close their eyes and look the other way!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
A cool mom is one that guides her child. One that shows her child how to stay safe, one that teaches her child what is wrong and what is right, one that gives her child freedom but knows when to put up the boundaries. One that disciplines her child and lets him or her know that its for their own good. One that trusts their child because she has done a good job raising him/her.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
No you are not wrong.One day i was celebrating 4th of july with my friends.My parents had stayed home and a few hours later they call me, telling me that someone called them and told them i was lost(which i was not).Anyway then when i told them i was fine, they told me that they were in the same place i was which was 40 minutes away from my house and told me they were worried and that they had come looking for me.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
Absolutely not. A mom is someone who loves their children and looks out for them. your friend's mom seems like she's very laid back and doesn't seem to care about her daughter. Honestly, if she's saying that, i think it only means that she's afraid of setting the ground rules and having her daughter mad at her for a few hours. don't be afraid to talk to your child and let them know who you feel too!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
You are going to be a great Mom. Your friends Mom is not cool. You have to give your child some guidance to make good decisions in their life. Remember you will set the rules and follow through with them. Letting the child run the house is not cool. Kids need structure and discipline along with love, space, kindness and most of all unconditional love. I have "cool" parents and they provided those for me. I am now a mother of 2 and hope to provide them with that as well. I am not concerned if I am cool or not just if I am a good mom.
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am
nope that is exactly the kind of mom who people appreciate when they grow up but not when they are still young and immature i thought my mom was completely unfair (i still think she was a little too strict) but i see al of her reasoning now that i am mother your friend may not actually think she has a cool mom but just say that hoping that no one will notice her mom just doesn't care or doesn't pay her enough attention or whatever
bottom line i think there is a big difference in between a "Cool" mom and a Great mom